Hey everyone, so this is my new page! I'm learning how to update it on my own so forgive me for any mistakes that may occur!
Hey everyone, I thought you might enjoy hearing a great stand up comedy story from the road. It involves myself and one of my good friend and one of my favorite comics Joe Rogan. Basically I'm known for killing heckler but this could be one of the greatest heckler kills EVER! Because it was done over the phone and across two states, that's right, this chick got pimp slapped in Phoenix Arizona from Hollywood California! This is an email I got from a friend that describes what happen!
Hey Sam, I'm headed down to Az this weekend and Chilly Bombers is one of my stops. Erik sent me this on Sunday. When I was done reading it my fist was clinched in the air like a Spartan soldier. Way to go Sam. You have a few guys out here that look up to you and it's because of cool shit like this. Enjoy, Bruner
...Sounds good. We just had a couple of big shots here from LA, one of which you might know... Paul Hughes? He has a show at the Palms in Vegas, or he did or something.
The other guy is named Sam Tripoli, hilarious. Normally I wouldn't write this much, but I have to tell you what happened.
Tripoli is on stage, tells a joke ... some woman from the crowd calls him out and says that he stole Joe Rogan's joke...
Tripoli says bull shit, but she is adamant....
He says, okay, if I can prove it to you beyond a shadow of a doubt you have to show your tits to the bar..... she says your on because you stole the joke and there is no way you can prove you didn't ...
Tripoli calls Joe Rogan on the phone .... he doesn't answer..
The girl says.... see, I told everyone you were a fucking thief comic ....
Tripoli says.. hey, I just called the guy, he didn't answer, it's a Friday night... he probably has a life ...
She says.. look, don't get pissed I just call them like I see them ... and your a fucking joke thief...
Tripoli says... look lady, I just called the guy he's not there ....
She says ... oh of course he's not there ...
THEN JOE ROGAN CALLS BACK and Tripoli puts him on speaker phone with the mic up to his phone .... and it is CLEAR AS DAY THAT IT'S him ON THE PHONE >>> Who of course confirms that Tripoli did NOT steal his joke....
Chilly Bombers went NUTS ....
She never showed her tits but the place blew apart...
Yeah she never showed her tits but from what I was told she got a lot shit from people at the bar and basically got ran out of the there. I went on to have a great set and a killer time that night, TO THE VICTOR GOES THE SPOILs! So that the story and I hope you enjoyed. I want to thank Rogan for being cool enough to call back and set the record straight and Eric Miller for spreading the Legend of Sammy T!
HOLLA AT YOUR BOY! *************************************************************************************
I'm proud to announce that in the great tradition, or latest fad, of the Hollywood rich and famous I've decided to adopt a child! Unfortunately I couldn't find a 3rd world country that would allow me to take home one of those cute little toddlers you see on TV. So I tried to adopt an American kid, you know made in U.S.A. and all the patriotic stuff, but no one here would cough up a kid either.I was about to give up on my dream of fatherhood when destiny decided to dance her little dirty dance! It happened one night when I was partying with one of my favorite people in the world – Jayson Thibault. And it was a very special party because Jayson's mom was in town and was down to get her drink on. That's when the idea hit me: why not hook up with Jayson's mom and then adopt my friend?!? How perfect would it be to be my best friend's step dad! Knowing Jayson's mom is a cougar and probably dying to get shagged I decided to make my move! Within minutes my tongue was shoved down Thibault mom's throat and I was whispering sweet nothings to her like: "Have you ever boned in your kid's bed?" and "You've got your tubes tied, right? Because I hate condoms!" Just like that I had her purring like a kitten because she was completely shit faced! Of course Jayson got pissed when he caught us going at it in his room.
Jayson yelled: "Dude did you just bang my mom?
Me: "Jayson...... Yeah pretty much!"
Jayson: "Dude! That's not cool, that's my mom!"
Me: "Jayson, I'm going to marry your mom and then I promise to adopt you! I just want you to know that I'm not trying to replace your father even though you never knew your dad!"
Jayson: "Dude, you're not adopting me!"
Me: "You're mother and I had a discussion about it right before she past out naked. I just wanted to let you know that there are two people in this world who really love and care about you!"
Jayson: "You're an asshole!"
Me: "Hey, that's not how a son of mine talks to his elders!"
Jayson: "Dude, I'm two months older than you!"
Me: "Hey! Watch your mouth! Back in my day, kids didn't get lippy their parents!"
Jayson: "We went to school together Dickhead!"
Me: "That's it! Get to your room right now before I get the belt out!"
It was a little rough at first, you know, because raising a child isn't easy even if he's not a child. Sometimes I just want to be his friend but then I realize that a kid doesn't need a friend but needs a father! I wish there was a manuel on how to deal with certian situations, like the time I caught him smoking weed.
Me: "What's going on here?"
Jayson: "Ahhhhhh, what does it look like? I'm getting high fool!
Me: "Give me that......Listen, I know what it's like to want to experiment with drugs. I tried to smoke weed when I was your age."
Jayson: I know you used to smoke weed when you were my age because I bought this weed off of you last week!"
Me: "Not in my house! No son of mine is getting high off the marijuana. If you're lucky I won't tell your mother about this. Even though I really can't right now because she's blacked out again!"
I love my drunken wife and my 33-year-old kid with all my heart! We're going to be one dysfunctional family but then again what family isn't! **************************************************************************************
Have you ever seen those late night commercials advertising some magical number you can call to talk to hot lonely models in your area?Really, hot chicks are dying to talk to me?Why is my bullshit alarm screaming right now?First off, hot models don't want to talk to me at the bar, why would they want to talk to me over the phone?And if they love talking on the phone so much, why do they keep giving me fake numbers?Why do women do that, why can't they just tell me to fuck off and die.No! Instead they want to give me some crap number that they always give out.So I end up calling some poor guy who has to break the bad news to me, "Nope wrong number douche bag!"But this must be a magic number with magic super models who love talking to total strangers for $1.99 a minute.Yeah $1.99, what kind of bang can you get for your two bucks?Have you ever tried to talk to a super model?Here's how the phone conversation would probably go.
Me: So, ummm, so you're like a super model or something?
Supermodel: ah, what?
Me: You're a supermodel right?You model for a living?
Me:Cool. That's got to be a sweet job.
Supermodel:What….. Could you hold one second I have another call coming in…..
Me:What I'm paying…..
Clicks over (3 minutes go by and I'm still on hold) Clicks back
Me:Yeah, hey it's me?What's up?
Me: Cool, so what do you do when you're not……
Supermodel:Can you get some coke?
Me:Ah…….. Coke….I really don't do that but……
Supermodel: That sucks…. Oh my god is that Criss Angel over there….
Me: Over where?
Supermodel:I'll be right back…..
Me:You're leaving me but I'm paying 1.99...
Clicks over (ten minutes passes) Clicks back
Supermodel: I can't believe I totally just blew Wilmer Valderrama in V.I.P room!
Me:What…..you just blew the guy from YO Mamma on MTV?
Supermodel:Ah… who is this?
Me:I'm the guy you just put on hold?
Supermodel: Where's Sarah?
Me: Who's Sarah?
Supermodel:I have to find my friend Sarah.
Me: She's probably in the bathroom getting gang banged by Big and Rob.
Supermodel:You're an asshole!
Me:I have coke!
Me: No but………
And all is right in the universe!I've learned a couple things in my life and one of them is anyone worth talking to usually doesn't answer their phone.